Saturday, October 18, 2008

Thanks For Listening

While in Sunday school this morning we were discussing difficult decisions we have had to make and how they effected us.  I shared that we were in a very difficult decision process right now dealing with infertility.  We have to decide what is right for us, how far we would go, what is right or wrong not to mention all the emotions dealing with the illness in general.  Brandon shared his frustration that he never anticipated having to spend money to have children when most couples can have them for free.  One of the women piped up that children aren't free.  Really? I never would have guessed.  Brandon was saying that most couples don't have to pay money to conceive children, most couples get to do that part for free. 

This is part of the reason why it is so hard to share infertility struggles with others.  They don't understand what you are going through and yet you want to share hoping it may encourage others in similar situations.  We don't share in great detail because some of the issues surrounding treatment are controversial or just plain personal.  No one anticipates being faced with infertility.  No one says, I would just love to take away all of the surprise and anticipation and replace it with constant tests, invasive exams, and concerted efforts only to end up being impregnated by some doctor or technician like I was some kind of lab experiment.  And the process just might have to be repeated many times.  I realize we can't live in a fantasy world and real life isn't always romantic, but I sure didn't ever think other people besides my husband and I would be involved in that process.

I never said life was easy or fair but I know thousands of others are going through what we are.  If I can encourage just one person, if I can make just one person feel better knowing that I understand their plight, sharing my journey will not be in vain.  That's why I keep on.  It may sound like whining, and it may be just that, but bottling it all up isn't healthy either.  The difficulties in life are what teach us, grow us, and give us strength to face the further challenges our lives will bring.  I will be able to look back and know that we made it through and that our Father God never left us on our own to deal with it. 

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