Monday, January 26, 2009

Hard

When my health declines, I get quiet. I draw inward and keep to myself. I find it hard to write when life gets really tough, even just writing to myself. I have no idea why I do this.

My health is pretty bad right now. I don't think it has ever been this bad before. I have not been well since the start of the year. A few weeks ago I lost my appetite. I thought it was just due to the cold I had but I haven't gotten it back since. When I do eat anymore than 2 bites of anything I get an uncomfortably full feeling, pain and sometimes heartburn and indigestion so bad that I can't sleep. I have dropped 10 pounds since the year started.

When my appetite had been gone for a week, I grew concerned and went to my GI doctor. She says my stomach isn't emptying fast enough and has ordered tests to find out why. Meanwhile, she can not treat any of it until the tests are performed. My last test is at the end of next week.

Needless to say I am becoming worried that something horrible is wrong.

I have faced other health issues which are currently still a mystery. My GI doctor might be able to close the book on my IBD saga that has been going on for 2 1/2 years now. That is good news to me. I face a connective tissue, autoimmune disease but the type is still unknown due to lack of enough symptoms to identify which. I have so far refused long term treatment (with my doctor's blessing) because I am trying to get pregnant and I have weird ideas about not taking any drugs during pregnancy. But I know I won't be able to refuse for too much longer. My joints hurt more and more and I face permanent damage if I continue to refuse treatment.

I am ready for them to find out what is plaguing me so they can treat it and I can have my life back. I long for some normalcy. I want to be able to enjoy my life again instead of constantly being in pain.

3 comments:

  1. Praying for you! I can't imagine how difficult this must be.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'll keep you in my prayers. With Bart's problems, I empathize a great deal.

    ReplyDelete