Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Uncomfortable

I still want to know how it happened and what I'm supposed to do.  I feel out of my league.  In late February I was approached, my name had been submitted and qualified to run for board of directors at church.  After much prayer I decided that if this is where God wanted me to serve, then I would be elected.  I came to find out that out of 36 of us who were submitted only 5 of us accepted nominations to run...for 5 positions.  When Brandon was nominated last year there were about 12 nominees for 2 positions. (He wasn't elected.) Needless to say, we were all elected to a 2 year term.

I have to say I felt a bit panicked.  God hadn't put Brandon in this position and with his smarts and wisdom, well I don't come close. What if during meetings I have nothing to contribute?  What if I have no good ideas? But then again, if this is where God wants me to be, I have to seek Him for wisdom to help me through.

He has been pushing me into uncomfortable leadership positions in the last few year, placing me outside of my comfort zone.  When approached to work with the junior high kids a couple of years ago, I felt scared, I hadn't worked with children in years, how was I supposed to relate to one of the most difficult age periods?  But everything has worked out and I have connected with and learned so much from 13 and 14 year-olds. I'm in awe, who knew that some of them had so much wisdom?  

My life was changed a few years ago by a class on personal finance, so much so that I wanted to share it with others.  They didn't offer the class at our church so I found myself put into a position where I would have to stand up and lead a class of adults.  *shudder*  I still don't find it any easier to get up in front of others and speak, but this is something I care about and it has impacted others as well.  I so enjoy them coming up to me to share their victories and updates.

It is so natural for me to think I'm not good enough, I'm not qualified, to run myself down.  That is one of the hardest battles I have fought for many years.  The enemy of my soul knows how to get to me, he whispers these things to me to the point I start believing.  You would think that after so many years I would automatically recognize the voice.  I do recognize the voice, I do realize it isn't from me.  I am working, I know I can't do it alone, to not listen.

And I have to keep reminding myself that I am doing God's work. That I have to seek His wisdom and strength so that I may be of good use as an adviser in the next 2 years.

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